Searching for significance

Significance in one's life is a hard commodity to come by. Generally there are markers for success that we can look at: money, building something, praise. But for significance, those markers are not generally visible. As a matter of fact, we only know that we have been significant through a seemingly minor contact with someone: a thank you, a touch on the shoulder, a look in a person's eye and then a dawning upon ourselves that we have made a positive difference in another's life. So significance depends upon our own recognition of the role we have played. I believe there is no "road" to significance. There is no blueprint or pathway to significance. There is no place such as significance; so one does not journey to it. It comes in subtleties, nuances, and a general awareness of what we are doing. I don't believe we can strive for significance as one can strive for success. Just be self aware and not self focused. A positive outlook, being optimistic, helps.

THE NEAR BLIND CAN REALLY SEE

Well, its over. Starring into a bright light, a kalidascope of images entertain the open eye, and in the background is a whirling sound, not the high pitched variety in the modern dentist's office, rather, a mid-20th Century motorized high speed dentist drill. Sonic destruction of the clouded lens, suctioning of the pieces, rinsing and suctioning again are over. "You'll feel a little pressure", "turn your eye a little to your right, now up, now straight ahead" and Shazam! "The lens is in; you're done." The vision in my left eye is restored, the details of the Zeiss equipment has a slightly clouded bluish appearance, nonetheless, near clear focus. "It is unusual to be able to see this well immediately post-op Rich, I think you will have a very good result." So it went, and here I am, blogging. The 4 times a day eye drops are a drag. The somewhat blurring of vision is the consequence of the cornea having some swelling after the operation. A follow-up visit tomorrow, then back in 3 weeks to get a new prescription for glasses so that I can see near and mid-range, sans astigmatism. Maybe not as good as new, but I do have a 40 year guarentee. First the need for glasses 4 years ago, then a retina membrane stripping to get the squiggly vision back to verticle lines, and now cataract extraction and lens replacement with a new pair of glasses. I am glad the surgical part is over; I am glad I am living at a time when such technology is readily available.

A larger audience: the internet

Moral deviates inhabit both the developed as well as third world; are characterized by soliciting things from you, the takers and not givers of our world community; justifing their actions by discounting other"s human and individual rights. Just a reminder not to provide locator, personal information nor email on the internet.

There is an awareness of the above in many quarters. The other day, when I returned an email to RJ who had let everyone know that he had arrived safe and sound, my email back to RJ was intercepted and would be released only after a monitor had reviewed its contents. Interesting.

I review news from around the world provided primarily via the internet, so I am informed quickly, although not necessarily accurately. I am aware that a news report may be "slanted" to sell an audience a particular bias and mold public opinion. The best course of action would be to have views, perspectives, encounters that are different than one's own. I do hope that those of you whom I trust will read this blog for information as well as see it as a chance to respond with one's own perspective.

The other action of course is to travel, encounter others, learning who the sellers and soliciters are and who are the givers.

The start of winter

The prelude to winter is over. Fits and starts, sprinkles and some flakes; warming days and snowless nights, this has all ended. Today, around noon, the snow that was predicted to start at noon, began at noon. Kathy and I were out on our walk and the small grained snow began, covering at first my glasses with water, then, sticking for a while before streaking down the lens onto my cheek. As we walked, we remarked to one another how the snow was now stinging our faces. We got home to find the sidewalk into the house was now wet where it had been dry as we had left the house. Stamping our feet to shake off the accumulated snow from our shoes, scarfs and hats, the warmth of our entrance way is felt as we step in. It is now after 2 PM, we have had our breakfast and showers, the snow is coming down straight, like in a summer rain, winter's version. Three inches are to fall today, and the forecast for the rest of the week is on and off more snow.

The winter animals that we regularly see, all kinds of birds, red and black squirrels, a rabbit, appear preparing, finally for their recluse; gathering the last nuts and tidbits available.

Kathy and I discussed our Alaskan trip, still not decided on what trip we want, which cruise and tour line to take. What we do find is that the most desirable balcony suites are taken already on many of our planned days of departure. Our waiting, trying to decide, means fewer options in terms of accommodations, at least on the boat. Here it is, mid January, and some slots for the trips in June are already taken. When we try to book online, we are told we have to call/ book through a travel agent. Just maybe, the balcony suites are reserved by travel companies, and one has to go through them to get a spot. Kathy has already said, just an outside stateroom, not a balcony is good enough for her. We will be deciding shortly though.

So winter goes, we, like our outdoor brethren are preparing to hunker down for a while and make plans for the Spring.

The eyes have it

Vision is the watchword of this month. Both Kathy and myself have cataracts. Kathy had one eye lens replaced and tomorrow will have the other eye lens replaced. For me, I will have my left eye lens replaced next Tuesday. The ophthalmologist doing my cataract surgery has done more than 7,000, closer to 8,000. The surgery takes 15 minutes and is done under topical anesthesia, and I will be on my way home in 2 hours. I will need a new pair of glasses to accommodate my astygmatism. In the past, this kind of surgery required a post operative hospital stay that kept the head perfectly still for many days; ie, lying in bed with padded sandbags on either side, sipping your meals through a straw. Amazing changes in the technology and procedure. Even better, these lens are to last the rest of our lives; ie, more than 40 years. Since both Kathy and I have plans for a lot of driving this coming year, it will be important that we have our eyes taken care of before we travel.

Our crystal palace

Light beaming through a chandelier gives sparkling radiance to our world. Our late mornig walk brought us to the woods where the ice covered branches and grasses dazzled us as we looked deep into the forest. The dark trunks shimmered. The powdery snow refracted and reflected the light. Kathy and I walked to the sounds of crunching snow, against the cold artic air that blew across the frozen scene. This afternoon, the sun is moving Westward and is still South; hence, the picture of our light show from our sun room.

Rebecca, you were right; it is better for me to show a picture of what I am writing about! Thank goodness for the availablity of the digital camera, which makes such communications a written and photographic possiblity.

As the sky turns from gray to blue

Intense morning sunlight streams across the landscape. Fresh fallen snow blankets the ground, tree branches, and rooftops. Yesterday's ice sheathes each shrub and tree branch, sparkling as they move in the breeze. A black squirrel gingerly makes his way along a limb, knocking off the snow as he moves. I do not see him making the acrobatic leaps from one far flung branch to another. The brillaintly red cardinal sits amongst the snowy branch as if basking in the warmth of the sun. The sky is cloudless and azure blue. We hear the sounds of the snowplows doing their job, cleaning our driveways and walkways. This is the winter we have been awaiting. This is the winter we enjoy walking in, in and around the wetlands, along the banks of the lakes.

Over the recent past, Kathy and I have been Hold-up in our home, with brief and purposeful journeys out to stores, basket ball games, meetings (7 AM Ingham County Medical Society Legislative Committee meeting at the Kellogg Center), medical expert business with a case that has dragged on and on, and movies; great flick: Freedom Writers, a story of inner city educational success, very moving, addressing the real costs of success and significance. The movie illustrated to me the idea of how absolutely immersed one has to be in one's job to make a difference, to be significant. Balancing multiple life's roles made the job, just that, a job. Now to be a little "preachy", how committed are we to making a difference in our world? I guess I am coming off a series of MLK Day motivational speeches reported in the press.

The above reminds me to call the Care Free Clinic and if the medical liability insurance coverage for Kathy and myself has come through yet.

Where is the sunshine?

The band of weather that effects mid-Michigan is sleet and ice. North of us is snow, south of us is rain. The sky is overcast and gray, the kind of snow we have is white, giving sharp contrast to the day. The bushy tailed red and black squirals race along the ground, stopping and scratching and sniffing, looking for buried treasures. Unlike many places in the mid-West, we still have electricity as the utility companies had spent the summer and fall, clearing tree branches above the power and telephone lines so that an ice storm did not lead to interupted service. Anticipation and maintanence pays.

Our days meld one into the other, a blurring of week days with weekends. I have been preparing myself for testimony in a medical malpractice suit that I have been hired as an expert witness. The case has dragged on for several years now and there have been adjournments upon adjournments and I decided to prepare myself as if I were giving a lecture for a class. Hopefully this effort will save me time when the case really comes to trial; not slated now until the end of April into early May.

Kathy and I have been closely following our Spartan basketball team. Last Wednesday we had tickets for the Northwestern/MSU game and yesterday (Sunday) we had tickets for the Illinois/MSU game. These sojourns onto campus also gives an opportunity to go out for dinner, either before or after the games.

Kathy and I have been reading and planning an Alaskan cruise. The ship portion would take us through the inside passageway as well a visit glacers and glaceral bays. The land portion would take us into Alaska's interior. The more we read, the more days we add to the trip.

No word on the Care Free clinic yet, all the paperwork, ie, the medical malpractice insurance needs to be in place before hanging my stethoscope around my neck again.

Changes in Our Routine

Dawn comes late as we emerge from our sun's most Southern journey. KK and I abide by its message and get up late ourselves. I conciously stay in bed, knowing that I do not have Shag to take out for her morning ablutions. The timing of when KK and I go on our morning walk has been pushed back to the late morning or even early evening. The pace of our walk has now quickened as we no long have to stop and have Shag scratch and snif. I no longer take an afternoon walk through Sapphire Lane since Shag is not around and in need of her afternoon constitution. Since I am not walking Sapphire Lane any longer, how will I react/ inform the neighbors along the way who use to stop us and pet Shag and talk with me about the weather, and such. I guess, if the unseasonally warm weather persists, I will take a walk down Sapphire Lane, alone, and speak with those who are out and about. However, I may be invisible since Shag is not with me as we were considered a duo and not a single walking man.

KK and I are making our plans for the next 1/2 year; the important date is May 20th; graduation of Andre from Medical School. Our other trip plans all revolve around being in Washington DC on that day. We plan on taking Rudy to the Northwest, Seattle or Vancouver as we take an Alaskan Inside Passageway cruise. Plans after we return from Alaska have not yet been formulated. We will be at the cottage for most of the summer so we have some juggling of time and priorities to do.

The Christmas tree is out, taken to Patriarc Park where East Lansing outdoor service workers made short work of putting it through the chipper, chips for a forest pathway. Basketball and football playoffs TV viewing, computer work, Meridian Township Planning Commision work all dominate our weekend activities.

Education First, Social Networking Second

The sunshine is streaming through the windows of our sun room. There are wispy white clouds high above. The wind rocks both the pine and leafless deciduous trees. Emerald Lake's surface shimmers. A large puffy female cardinal sits on a branch directly in my view. There is an aroma of split pea soup simmering on the stove with the ham bone from this Christmas past. Tick tock the Grandfather clock marks the passing of time.

I was reading the Wall Street Journal this morning and had to pause to get my Webster's American Dictionary College Edition to look up a word before continuing to read an article. I had to pause again and then again looking up words to finish the article: animas; miscreatant; heuristic. Having finished section A of WSJ I went on line and read a New York Times article on the most important determinates, WORLD WIDE, of long life and good health. Whether it is England, Denmark, Sweden, the USA, the number one determinate of Long Life and Good Health is: Education. Education is far out infront of the second determinate, socail networking, and these two are ahead of wealth, universal health insurance, race, stress and a host of others factors. The effects of early education is the most important determinent even when other factors are added later on in life such as: wealth and univeral health insurance. Modifiers to the education determinent are prenatal and early years of life nutrition and cigarette smoking. Education seems to provide the ability to Problem Solve life's challenges and allows us to anticipate the future through delayed gratification.

Interesting, social networking is a distant second. Relavance? I am reminded about another article I have read some time ago, having a pet in a nursing home, increases the life span and general wellbeing of the pet owner. So, I am thinking about my own recent loss of Shag and how she was involved in my social networking. Like, the people I met walking Shag on our morning two mile "constitution" talking to people and relating most days. How she required me to be mindful of how and where she was on a minute by minute basis, concious or unconciously aware; long range planning for her care, feeding and wellbeing.

I am proud of you all and enjoy the feeling that encouraging you to higher education is likely to promote a long and healthy life for you. I am reminded that myown social network involves you, and that the loss of Shag this week rearranges that social network.

Missing Shag in Little Ways

This morning KK and I headed in a counter clockwise direction for our walk in honor of Shag. Usually we walk clockwise to the wetland area along the road so that Shag could do her morning business without me having to carry a plastic bag to pick up the poop from a neighbor's yard. This morning, no Shag, no poop, no plastic bag. In fact, earlier this morning, I threw away all the plastic bags I had accumulated in various pockets and shelves just for Shag. I did not want to remind myself of the pain I was feeling over her death. The day is bright and sunny, jet streams are streaked across the azure blue sky. The temperature is cold with early ice returning to Emerald Lake. The winter breezes move the pine trees as the deciduous trees give little resistance to the wind.

Our day is just 24 hours after her death and in someways that she is gone does not seem real to me. I still look around a corner expecting to have to avoid her lying stretched out. I look first at the Retirement Chair and then the living room couch when I come into the room, catching myself expecting to see her. I have removed the rubber bands from the cabinet door handles under the kitchen sink since we don't have a dog anymore who would paw through the garbage spredding it around looking for scraps. I sat eating breakfast this morning expecting to have to remind Shag not to come into the sun room while we are eating there. There are so many small ways that she and myown life have been integrated, it is hard to realize that she is not here.

I am crying now, and I can barely see to type this blog. It is time for me to give it a rest for a while and do something else.

The Passing of Shag

This morning at 4:45 AM New Years Day 2007, Shag died. She appeared to be somewhat more sleepy yesterday yet active. She did not want to go on our usual morning walk. I thought she did not want to walk in the cold rain. Last night, New Years Eve, around 7:30 PM, she had another weakness spell, began breathing fast and continued in distress until she quit breathing this morning.

I have many fond memories of she and I together. I am sad and crying now. I will miss her. I have no philosophy regarding death, just feelings of loss. I have pictures of her but those do not replace petting her soft wheaten colored coat; she in turn looking up at me and wagging her tail; eyes wide open, and her pink tongue barely showing. I'm going to miss her. The Christmas picture of her, lying on my retirement chair, head bent back.